I wrote this a while back and didn’t keep it posted. Still true though!
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I don’t know about you, but sometimes dating messes with my head.
Let me ‘splain. First, I should admit that I’m a romantic, if you don’t know that already. Have been for a long time. I never subscribed to “bros before hoes” back in middle school–my imagination was too busy planning out a future together with the girl next to me in history class (who probably would not have been pleased to learn that).
Now in general, this mindset doesn’t affect much. Going on dates with girls or hanging out follows the normal pattern. Meet girl, talk with girl, go on a date or two with girl, lose interest, eat a waffle. The waffle may vary (though I hate pancakes–worthless food), but the pattern is the same. Once every 6-8 months or so, though, I end up going on a date that goes particularly well. The girl is cute, happy, and fun. We have a good time. Nothing big. I go home thinking “that was neat.” Then I go to bed.
Now begins the chain reaction of the overly imaginative mind. The steps go like this:
As I’m falling asleep, Brain (a ninja assassin in Britton’s head that seems bent on destroying Britton’s common sense by use of over-analysis shurikens) thinks over the date. Brain realizes how much fun Britton had. Brain becomes excited.- Brain begins filling in unknown gaps in girl’s personality and preferences. Brain knows that it doesn’t know that much about girl yet, but Brain is very confident in his estimation of character.
- Britton quiets brain down, goes to sleep.
- Brain assaults Britton all night with cameo appearances of girl in dreams (I’m busy riding a sheep through the jungle and BAM there’s girl).
- Britton wakes up in the morning, Brain has prepared presentation involving Britton and girl being married, presents a short slideshow of fun trips and life moments yet to come, closes with a few suggestions for children’s names and proposes the purchase of a dog. Britton yells at brain to no avail.
Then it’s over. I’m done! In the girl’s mind, we’ve gone on one date. In my mind, we’re already on a family trip to the Virgin Islands. And then begins the downward spiral–part two of the chain reaction:
- Britton attempts to play a bit disinterested and leave space, as he knows that he’s meant to.
- Brain yells at Britton all day, reminding him that if he doesn’t act fast, he’s going to lose his chance at everything good ever ever ever ever ever and probably die.
- Britton tries inviting girl to several things over the next few days. Girl doesn’t–she’s busy or is properly giving some space.
- Girl begins to feel pressured and backs off.
- Brain somehow convinces Britton to try harder.
- Girl moves to Nova Scotia.
Things usually wrap up with me feeling frustrated for a week or so, eventually realizing that Brain has played a trick on me, then deciding things are already screwy and moving on. It’s not a big deal in the end–it’s only one girl, and it was only one date. When you’re rarely interested like me, though, it does make you wish you could rewire a few circuits up there.
Anywho, I think for now I’ll just switch to video personals:
PS This was a fairly un-manly post. Therefore, I add the following manly words to balance things out: explosion, Ferrari, Halo, Van Halen, off roading, nail gun, grenade.
