Derailed Thoughts

I’m going to start this one off with a quote; this one happens to be on my facebook page, and is one of my favorites.

“Sometimes during solitude I hear truth spoken with clarity and freshness; uncolored and untranslated it speaks from within myself in a language original but inarticulate, heard only with the soul, and I realize I brought it with me, was never taught it nor can I efficiently teach it to another”
-Hugh B. Brown

I believe I learned one of these truths this week. Most of the time, I feel pretty confident in my ability to put down my thoughts in words; this idea brings a very different feeling. I hope by telling the story something sufficient will get across–this idea has already really changed the way life looks. Here goes.

Most of my thoughts that on this blog are related to dating and relationships. If you haven’t noticed that and have read more than one of my posts, you might not speak English. Therefore, I wonder why you’re reading… Anywho, I admit I’m one who enjoys analyzing the emotional side of life (and subsequently writing about it to people on the internet).

Well, this week I had an interesting experience. I went on a few dates with a great girl and was starting to think that maybe I’d like things to go somewhere. Then came that ever so frustrating declaration–”I just don’t feel like this will work.” Like any rational, mature person, I promptly went home and thought about how life is a big dumb stupid and I wish girls would stop being dumb.

It was one of those moods–the future was full of nothing but oppression and struggle, it was raining outside… there was even a suspicious looking hobo walking by outside that I was sure was going to steal my wallet somehow. The little man on my shoulder turned to me and said “well, Britton, just thought I’d let you know that you’re ugly.” What in the world did a lump like me have to offer the world now that my two dates had ended in failure?

I think we all have those moments. After a bit of thought, I started realizing my total lack of logic. It didn’t help much with the feeling, but at least the thought drove me to my knees to talk to God about things. As I pondered and prayed, a strong impression came to my mind–”well Britton, who would you like to trade lives with?”

Seems like a simple proposition–at the moment, I’d have gone for anyone who seemed more successful with women than I felt. While I was at it, I’d choose someone with a Porsche. But then again… this wasn’t about thinking of someone who has a few attributes I want. The somehow unspoken rules were that I get to keep the preferences and motivations that make me who I am, but I switch bodies, talents, jobs, families, schools, and everything else.

I thought. Hard. And over and over, I was wrong. Every time that I thought of a person who I’d trade with, I realized seconds later the things lacking in their life that I could never live without–a supportive family, the gospel, my loyal friends, a great school, a stable life, a schedule that is neither too lax nor too busy… a picture on the wall even reminded me of the memories that I could never stand to trade.

I came to a realization–we all have trials. We all have a list a mile long of the weaknesses that we wish were not ours to deal with. But I have a theory that each of us is building around ourselves a life that is exactly what we need, trials and all. With God’s help, we have a unique combination of blessings and trials, memories and potentialities, stresses and freedoms that make our lives perfectly suited to the one who lives it–ourselves. Give it a try; I think you’ll come to the same conclusion.

For the first time in my life, I’ve realized just how much I love being me. And that makes me glad.