Derailed Thoughts

You know, life is weird.  I don’t understand human beings.  Sure, I’m one of them, but that hasn’t helped me much.  Unfortunately, I’m just as stuck with the customs as you are.  Therefore, I submit the following weird things for your consideration:

1-50. Twitter - Last time I wrote about one of these, I said status updates are weird.  If you don’t know what Twitter is, it’s a website revolving around status updates.  All day.  Constantly.  You can set them with a text message.  Mathematically, I have concluded that fifty times more status updates on Twitter is fifty times as weird.  Therefore, this counts as numbers 1-50.

51.  Excesses of Tupperware – Everyone has too much tupperware.  Go look in your cupboard–you do too.  And why are we always saving and washing out those Ziplock ones, or even the butter tubs?  Honestly, I don’t know how many different types of unspoiled leftovers I’m planning on having at once, but to use all of our apartment’s combined Tupperware arsenal would require double the effort of last year’s Thanksgiving.

52. Fig Newtons – I ate one last week and I swear it’s still not off of the roof of my mouth.

53. Bad Hair Days – We’ve all had those days where we spend twice the normal time in front of the mirror as we prepare for the day.  This day, for some reason, is different.  That one spot (you know the one) is doing that one thing and sticking off in that one direction that it always does.  If we leave with our hair like that we’ll subconsciously feel it sticking out, humiliating us the same way that our friend’s “bunny-ears” prank of yesteryear did so many times.  The day will be ruined in the most awkward of ways… Then we realize that it ends up looking like that every day by the time we get home anyway… And we keep working on it.

54. The Almost-Didn’t-Happen-Style Conversation - You’re walking to class and you see what’s-his-name from Freshman year.  You’re late for class, so you say “how’s it going’” but keep on walking.  Then they slow down to talk.  You feel obligated to slow down as well but right as you do, they realize you weren’t stopping so they speed up.  Then as you pass, you ask a question in a jovial tone that it turns out is too large to answer while walking by (“you marry that girlfriend of yours yet?”  Blast.  There was a dramatic breakup.) and you end up stopping, after passing each other, ten feet away.  Both of you know you’re late for class, but you still talk for a few minutes, ten feet away.

55. Fireworks – They explode, make loud noises, and sparkle.  Pretty much the coolest thing ever.  I really am related to a chimp…

56. Toes – They say I need my toes to balance.  Knowing how well I can control the little four, though, I don’t know why I have so many.

57. Kites – Whenever I’ve flown a kite, I’ve been indescribably happy.  And this was my train of thought, so far as I remember: “Neat!… hmm… Yep.  Neat!”

58. Matt Showalter – Have you ever met the kid?  He’s just like a Koala.  You want to keep him under your bed and not let the landlord know.  Just sneak some peaches and kool-aid down there and let him out to run around every once in awhile.  I don’t know why it’s like that, but it just is.  If you haven’t met him, you should.  You’ll want one.

59. The Sky Being Blue - I know, I know.  It’s refracted light and it bends so it looks blue.  Or something.  Honestly, do you understand what in the world that means?  I don’t.  Why is the sky blue?  Space isn’t blue.

Well, that’s it for now.  Feel free to post other weird things in the comments.  I’m sure I’ll write another one of these soon and I’ll be sure to post yours up.  I’ll even post your name so that you can make more internet friends.  Happy almost-summer, everybody!