It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything, and a whole lot longer since I’ve just written something that doesn’t make sense. Therefore, here are the things I’m thinking right now:
Security badges – freaking awesome. There is no greater feeling than walking by Herbert the security guard, flashing your badge at the scanner, and watching the magic revolving doors begin to spin (for exactly 180 degrees, allowing entry only to you). Every time that little scanner beeps and the computer lady says “please step into the door”, I feel like a ninja. Granted, an intern ninja that will shortly be working on a less-than-exciting project, but a ninja nonetheless.
The Save Jacket - You could be surrounded by open seats, but instead you stand there looking around like a fool, trying to figure out where to sit. There are about 8 seats right in front of you–ample room for your singular bum. But there in the middle lies a coat doing the stretched-out seat-saving pose. And you bow to it. Oh how you bow. And you look around, grovelingly. And the coat laughs.
Elevators – Each time I ride, I’m intrigued with the elevator’s miraculous ability to make people suddenly appreciate the little things in life. Their phone’s volume button, the hologram on their credit card, even the simple ability of their wallet to open and close several times. I don’t know how the elevator does it, but it inspires love for the little things in the heart of man.
Trains – They must all be driven by cartoon characters. While moving at about 7 miles per hour toward (and through) their little railroad crossing, each train sounds its horn about 23 million times. They start out hesitant, then begin to let out frantic, long blasts for no apparent reason. Bla. Blaaaa. BLWA. BLWAAAA. BLWAAAAAAAAA BLWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FDJSIOFPEWQJIOQIO. And then I get irritable and start yelling at the lamp on my desk.
Awesome Dog – Yesterday, I saw a man driving down the freeway in an old Buick. In his passenger seat was a friendly black lab. The car’s junky old shocks left it bouncing like mad over tiny freeway clacks (the body moved 6 or 7 inches up and down repeatedly), and the dog’s head was bouncing up and down while his tongue was hanging out, looking over at me through his window. And it just so happens that the timing was just right for “Staying Alive” by the BeeGees. Therefore, I would invite you to listen to that song right now and imagine a lab, tongue hanging out, bobbing up and down with it in the car next to you. Thank you.
If I were a dog and my owner had one of those smart keys (one that just has to be in the car so that the car’s start button works), I’d eat the key. They they’d have to take me every time.
Alright I’m out of thoughts. Hope everyone’s summer is going well.
7 Comments
security badges aren’t that cool when you forget them in your smart card reader in your office… They can be a crazy big hassle… But I certainly agree that the “Please Step Into the Door” voice is kind of cool. If I were a robot I would totally fall in love
Wow. This is profound.
We live by a train as well. The way to like it is to make it your pet, that way, when you hear it, it is just your pet whining a little.
maybe you should start social experiments in the elevators and then blog about them. also, i have the same dilemma, whether or not to sit in a chair that is saved for someone’s purse….sometimes a murse (man purse, of course), but then i flash my badge, and all stuff is moved out of my way. try it sometime. also, i commented on your last post. check it out.
Lovely!
Please, oh, please write more often. :) I much enjoyo. :D Always get a smile from you. :)
Glad to know you’re still thinking :)
Dude, I am glad you blogged about the power of the coat. And I only laughed at the black lab bit because I know that if I was in the car with you when that happened that you would suddenly burst out laughing like you do, wipe your eye, and then continue to laugh pointing until you have the breath to mention what you are laughing about. All the while I am mildly chuckling not knowing what is funny.
Don’t worry, I literally laughed out loud for a full 2 minutes when I read the power of the coat, and then started laughing all over again when I read about the train. Britton you are offically my new favorite person. (Shhhh! Don’t tell Jeff. He gets jealous and I just wouldn’t want something like that on my conscience…)