Derailed Thoughts

We’re Experts at the Wrong Thing!

April 23rd, 2010 - 6 Comments

Being a critic isn’t hard. Since it’s such a simple talent to develop, in fact, the world has a surplus of expert critics. You are, and so am I. Restaurants, technology, artwork, homework, handiwork–you name it, we’re happy to find a flaw or two. One of our favorite things to critique, though, is certainly people. Oh, the joy it brings to be able to tell someone about the dirtbag we met at the grocery store!

But let’s switch sides here. Can you remember the last time you felt judged unjustly by another? Of course you can. If I gave you a minute, you could probably rattle off ten such instances. It’s not a great feeling to be judged wrongly; here you are, giving your best to life, trying to be a caring, good person… every once in awhile, though, you come across wrong somehow.

Maybe you weren’t paying attention and you hastily cut across 4 lanes of traffic. Or did you use a slightly overconfident tone of voice when accepting a compliment? Did you talk too loudly at the dollar movies? Perhaps you pulled one of my personal favorites–the “My Personality Is On Vacation and All of the Sudden I Can’t Carry a Normal Conversation” maneuver. In any case, you had that sudden realization that others around you had a flawed, worse perception of you. Blast.

There’s a common thread in all of these: It wasn’t the real you. Your real self, in fact, was busy jogging to the back of your brain to hide in embarrassment. We all hate when this happens. No one likes to suddenly become their own pet peeve. We’re all trying. We all hope for acceptance and friendship–these, I think, are universal desires.

So let’s start there and ask ourselves: Did I misunderstand anyone today?   Others are most likely trying as hard as you are to be a good, likable person and to do the right thing.  If you had something bad to say about them (whether in public or in private), there’s a good chance you’ve misunderstood who that person really is.  If you’re like me, I’ll bet you can think of an instance or two where that happened today.

Let’s stop being critics. The next time you feel the need to glorify your critiquing abilities by discussing the faults of another, try keeping it to yourself. It gets rough for a minute… Verbal pressure will build up and try to spill out of your face. But if you hold on, that feeling goes away. And then, you’ll have done something great; in your own small way, you’ll have secretly improved the world’s perception of another person!

That feels good.

Feeling Overwhelmed?

March 10th, 2010 - 8 Comments

Ever see someone with perfect grades or a fantastic physique and think “how in the world do they balance the time that must take with all the other demands of life?” Truth is… they don’t. They prioritize. Many of us are under the illusion that if we were using our time right, we’d be able to accomplish all of the “good things” that we’ve heard about from youth:

• Strong relationship with family
• Caring relationships with friends
• Meaningful relationship with significant other
• Excellent grades
• Amazing salary
• Invincible cardiovascular fitness
• Powerful spiritual life
• Impressive muscular strength
• Peaceful mindset
• Many individually-chosen others

In truth, though, we can only hold a few of these priorities without being spread too thin. Think of your own life–any time that we pretend that we can do more, something ends up out-of-whack. We focus more on grades, and we gain a few pounds. In our then over-strained schedule, we make daily time to run, but we end up losing our peaceful mindset as the rest of our day becomes more stressful. We try to stop over-committing ourselves so that we have free time to unwind, but friends start to say “I never see you anymore.” It’s frustrating… but remember: The rest of humanity has the same limitations you do!

Now here’s the good news: Think about what you actually care about, deep down inside. Then choose your 4-5 priorities, and do them well. Let the rest go! You can be at peace knowing that you’re doing what you care about.

You’re Probably Too Busy.

February 18th, 2010 - 7 Comments

If you’re like me, in the back of your head there’s a broken little record player.  He was put there years ago when you were born into a fast-paced, technologically-savvy, capitalistic world.  He has a single job–repeat, as many times as possible, the words “keep busy.”

If you’re like me, that little record player has left a feeling in your head that doesn’t make any sense.  You feel inferior when you talk to people that are in more clubs or on more sports teams than you.  You feel guilty when, on a Friday night, you’re at home reading a book.  You feel incompetent when, every once in awhile, your mind runs out of juice.  Well, if you’re like me, it’s time to ask a few questions:
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The Best Use of Time

November 10th, 2009 - 5 Comments

I’ve been thinking a lot about this quote today:

Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of “what if” and “if only.”
      - Thomas S. Monson

How true that is.  Have you ever noticed, when busy on a project, how easy to stop caring about what friends are saying?  You nod your head and laugh at the required times, but you’re gone the whole time.  I feel that way pretty often–I’m a task-oriented person.  Throughout the day, my thoughts don’t stray far from my “to do” list and my carefully laid-out plans.  Ask anyone that’s ever lived with me–I’m so organized, it’s a miracle I can eat Alpha-Bits cereal without having a panic attack.

In an attempt at correcting my course, let me point out the problem with my habit–life doesn’t follow plans.  It wasn’t meant to; it’s full of people, and human beings are not programs or machines.  Plans are a predictable map of a mechanical future; life is the story that happens instead.

In our unpredictable life, then, we often have to choose between turning the moment over to people or to tasks.  When we reflect back over our memories some day, I doubt that our brightest moments will have been filled with busywork.  For this reason, I believe that procrastination can be a virtue.  At the proper time, it’s a display of enlightened priorities; don’t let the businessmen on Wall Street tell you otherwise.  Life, in truth, holds nothing more important than time with loved ones.  I think we all want to grow old with a head full of memories, even if that means a few less Washingtons in our wallet.

The Post I Wrote, Published Accidentally, and Decided to Keep

June 30th, 2009 - 9 Comments

To deal with inner frustration, I sometimes write blogs that I have no intention of publishing.  They’re like journal entries with an imaginary audience, but for the most part they are too personal to just post for reading.  Today, I wrote one of these posts.  And when a roommate distracted me for a moment, I accidentally clicked “publish” instead of save.

I’ve always been intrigued, though, with knowing what people really think and feel. (more…)