Authors
Historians agree that although Sir. Britton Kowalk (knighted in 72′) has bestowed influence upon many trades, the act that he will be most remembered for is his philanthropic tendancy in the discipline of polo. By helping inner-city kids experience the thrilling equestrian sport, Britton was able to broaden their horizons, giving them new experiences to put on their gang-entry resumés.
Other notable achievements include: Spearheading negotiations for the Louisiana Purchase, and becoming the first openly straight man to enter the new Hogi Yogi on 2nd Street.
-Tyson
Although the subject is still open to debate, scientists have recently concluded that Mr. Call’s middle name is, in fact, Rupert. The historical significance of this name is incredible. In the dead sea scrolls, we learn the story of Moses’ brother, Rupert, who turned 37 camels into a scarf. Though the scarf was not useful in the desert, the miracle was no less impressive. In the middle ages we learn of Sir Rupert, the famous knight with the fantastic ability to tame and ride wild packs of chinchillas.
Tyson Rupert Call lives up to his Rupertly heritage with an intrinsic knack for pizza cooking, Steve Jobs following, and pillows. Don’t be surprised when his very fruity posts leave you with a strong finish and a slightly smokey aftertaste.
-Britton
Upon meeting blake I witnessed a power over women, that was not of this world. Determined to discover what this power was, I searched long and hard, and by chance stumbled upon something known to the Latvian Orthodox Church as The Kavorka, or “lure of the animal.”
The Kavorka is a mystical power only few possess. It is the animal attraction which causes friends to adore and women to lust after them. Some say that it is a curse, a great burden to be in such demand and Kavorka has been known to cause insanity as well as eccentric behavior.
-Chris
Some people’s spouses write their biographies. Others are written by friends that have extra time. This biography, however, takes a different course. It has been written through close phone collaboration with a chinchilla named Panda. Here’s what panda had to say:
Squeak, squeak, jump, squeak, long stare………………….. lap around cage, stuff face with raisins, crawl into igloo.
I’ll add to what Panda has here said. Natalie is the kind of person that you often find with their leg stuck behind their head while reading a children’s novel. When asked why, she’ll often respond “the soup isn’t done yet.” How often we all forget that simple but wise counsel.
-Britton
When I first met Chris we had a Seinfeld marathon. After that I came to know a deeper meaning of the word laugh. I am one who laughs at just about anything, but it takes a true sense of humor to know when to laugh when things are “really” funny. This guy takes back Sunday like Master Chief and Cortana battling the Covenant. He rocks the wake like “big black boots and long brown hair”. He can Hannah anyone’s Montana. He belts out Hakuna Matata better than Marty McFly can bleach his levis… And he does it all before a 10:30pm bedtime. Much love Mr. Flint much love.
-Jac
Some say he is always asleep, just a more advanced version of sleep and that his middle name is “soap”. All we know is, he’s called Matt.
-Blake
Chadley H’Buxton Waite is our resident expert in all things satire, parody, and nuance. With his nickname being “Gandhi-Jr” he is the singer and songwriter for the critically acclaimed song “Facebook Girl” and is currently writing his next song that is due to hit shelves sometime next month. Professionally, he writes for the hit iPhone app i.TV and is a drummer for the newly formed band The Accidental Goodbye who go on Tour in May. Chad has aspiring dreams to be a culinary chef and work at the world famous Alain Ducasse au Plaza Athénée in Paris and become a Bijon Frise dog breeder and black market Bengal Cat dealer.
Chad is well known for his contribution to The Simpsons TV series when he wrote the script for their 24th episode of the third season “Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?” which plays homage to the Great Depression-era tune of the same name. Chad is survived by his two children Nick and Nora.
-Matt